„To stay in one place or remain inactive in expectation (of something); hold oneself in readiness (for something).“ This is how my monolingual dictionary of English defines the word “wait”. The act of waiting is perhaps not too hard when you know that whatever you are waiting for is really bound to happen, and the approximate point of time is know, as with the flowering of the tulips.
Waiting is probably slightly more difficult if you don’t really know that whatever you are waiting for is actually going to happen, and the difficulties are bound to rise if you don’t know whether it is going to happen at all. Philosophy probably has a lot more to say about this. (Interestingly enough, the definition for “waiting” which I found in my German dictionary when preparing the German version of this post includes a passage about the fact that time until fulfilment tends to feel like dragging on forever, which is not at all mentioned in the English version. But I did not look in more than one dictionary each.)
So what about the kind of waiting when you don’t even really know that you are indeed waiting for something, not to mention what you are waiting for and when ...? That is a little bit how I feel these days, after receiving a message a little more than a week ago, from the organizers of the quilt festival Carrefour in Ste. Marie-aux-Mines.
For years I have debating with myself whether I should offer myself the luxury of buying one of those big machines by Bernina which have all that space for quilting. At first there had been rumours, but when it hit the market I was, I have to admit, overwhelmed by the costs involved. Also, I did not want to have all the embroidery stuff that came with the first model of the 830.
When the 820 followed a little later, I still held back due to the financial reasons. That is the one thing I regret about giving up my university career – I don’t get paid well anymore, and luxury buys have to be considered carefully... My savings from teaching patchwork workshops didn’t cover for a Bernina 820. So when the Janome Horizon appeared on the market two years ago I immediately thought that was my chance. By now I’ve learned that that didn’t really happen. But the money is gone, and everything else I had saved went into starting my fabric club and hand-dyed fabrics business.
With all that mounting frustration about machine quilting and Janome during the last weeks, I did indeed have the feeling that I was waiting for something cataclysmic – throwing the thing out of the window (with a lot of energy!), or that I would give it all up entirely and return to the spinning wheel or whatever. But as mentioned above – I did not really know what it was that I was waiting for.
My husband finally got entirely fed up with me and my mounting frustration and urged me to go ahead and order the 820. (He would have wanted me to get it even two years ago, when I made that other mistake.) He would not listen to my argument that we couldn’t afford it, pointed out that the tax advisor had told us we could expect a bit of a refund, and told me to inquire from friends who have it how satisfied they were.
This has happended, and those reports turned out mostly positive, at worst claiming a “needs getting used to”.
In early April we then visited my mother-in-law for her birthday, and when she heard about the problem, she immediately offered that she would be happy to help us with the amount needed.
There followed a phone call with my local sewing machine dealer, who was currently negotiating with Bernina about being included in the list of official Bernina dealers anyway. He promised he would call me back with an offer, and more information whether he would be able to take the other machine, which was away for those repairs I’ve been lamenting about, as part payment. And while I was waiting for his call that message from Carrefour arrived, which I have mentioned above: the news that Bernina International had agreed to act as sponsor for my exhibit in Ste. Marie-aux-Mines in September! Which, of course, is fantastic news, and then in the context of buying the new machine...
Now I don’t know whether it was exactly this that I was waiting for, but will find out within the next few days when this emotionally charged weeks subsides.
In any case, I did not know that I was waiting for this, though when looking at all the connections it does seem plausible. Now I can easily wait until the machine arrives and I will get my introductory lesson, and to tie me over I will just take out my little ‘old’ Bernina 930 and sew with that one.