Sunday, July 9, 2017

Where do I go from here...?

Tomorrow is the day when a decision will be made whether after September 1 I will still be working in the job I have right now, or not. The district parliament will take their vote on whether they want to continue funding the project that was originally scheduled for a 3-year-period. However, the  responsible teacher for the class has told me she has found out that the principal of the school is not exactly what you would call a supportive part in the whole affair, in fact she is scheming against it. So I am not expecting a positive outcome for me. 
That means I will most likely find myself without a job pretty soon. Which is rather disenchanting. Despite the fact that it has been an emotionally very challenging year, much more so than I had anticipated, it has also been a wonderfully enriching and rewarding year in terms of the relationships and interactions with my students. I have enjoyed having a paid job, even if it was for only 10 hours a week, that has given me the feeling that I am actually contributing something to the family income beyond a mere work-force in household matters - which is not something I was made for, but which has really been my position in the family over the last years. The fabric business does not fulfill that 'paying' function, and making quilts is not something one can live on in Germany. So the future is rather open right now.
In a way I can appreciate the thought that it would be nice to have those hours ‘back’ for me and textile work, and, an important point, to have less emotional involvement with refugee matters that are being treated completely differently on the political side than I would like them to be treated. I can’t change German politics on my own, even though I don’t agree with it, and especially Bavarian politics. And it is costing me too much emotional and physical strength trying to do so nevertheless. I am a tired helper. On the other hand I cannot willingly withdraw from the lives of these nice people I have met and made friends with. And as a third aspect, I do want to have a job outside the house. So I have started searching. We’ll see what happens.
I am also spending quite a bit of time in the garden, as one of the students has offered to help me with digging and weeding, and what used to be an unmanageable mess has by now transformed into a well-kept area.

Trying to grow a few veggies now, after all.
The stuff in the front box is saw dust to fight the slugs.

Kohlrabi, fennel, green cabbage, and a yellow zucchini in the background

Even my old rhubarb has realized that times are a-changing
and is attempting a come-back after a couple of years of neglect.

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to become a member of another international quilt group, 12 by theD ozen, and after a few days of pondering the matter, I have decided to say yes. It is a bit of a downer that the first challenge I need to deliver for (and rather quickly) is ‘inspired by Gustav Klimt’. He is certainly not my favorite artist, in fact, I find him rather uninspiring. But I have decided to join the group nevertheless, get Klimt done and over with and then see what happens. I have even found a picture of one of his drawings in one art book that I have here at home, so did not have to search the internet or go to the library. Now I need to get to work on that quickly, as ‘reveal date’ is on August 31. And I will be gone a bit before then.
Yesterday I have committed to participating in another challenge, of the local chapter of the German Patchwork Guild, on the topic of “at home” (in Bavarian dialect). I know what I want to do - although I will skip the local Bavarian dialect aspect - and need to get going on that. And then there are other things in the background. Busy enough to not spend too much time thinking about the future of my job. However, the future of the refugees whom I met through this job is constantly on my mind.


  1. Many things to think about, isn't it. I hope you find something to suit you and that something positive will be done about the students. At the least, you have been a positive in their lives when there have been so many negatives.

    1. Thanks, Sandy. Yes, I keep telling myself that that is at least one good part of it all. And it is what I originally started out for - I wanted to make a difference in the lives of refugees who were, I felt, being treated unjustly. I wanted them to meet some nice Germans. Somewhere along the line I began to think I could actually change something in the procedures. Really make things better, more humane. I've lost hope for that by now. Back to square one - show them a caring German face, be friends, learn from them and have a good time with them. As long as they're here...